Any woman who lives with a cycle-nut will tell you it’s not always plain pedalling. True, all that thigh-power can have its benefits in certain areas of your relationship, but it’s the day-to-day details of being in a love-triangle with a man and his wheels, that no-one else will ever understand. Here are a few of the things I’ve learnt about married life in the bike lane:

While You Were Out

Don’t get excited when the postman comes a knockin’. Your self-gifting habit might be impressive but will never match his commitment to online shopping at Wiggle and Chain Reaction.

Hey Big Spender

The upside to his shopping addiction is you can feel justified about treating yourself from time to time* (*quite a lot, actually).

Skip to the loo

You know when the new issue of Cyclist or The Ride Journal is out because the toilet is occupied for hours on end. Console yourself with the fact that the house is quiet and he’s out of the way.

Real men lie

You learn to spot a fib or two when it comes to sorting the house insurance and he swears blind his latest bike only cost £3k. And the rest.

Dirty laundry

After a busy cycling weekend your washing line can look like the mankini rail at Selfridges. Don’t be surprised when the neighbours look the other way.

Credit in the bank

All those Sundays you get left with the kids when he’s off riding means you can feel justified about watching the Real Housewives of Cheshire while he does a few chores.

Legs Eleven

Your new Intuition razor with the soap attached seems to disappear very quickly and he looks better in a mini-skirt than you.